Q: I’d like to start the year by instituting age-appropriate household chores for my kids. How do I get everyone on-board and convince them to help me out without complaining?

Tony Malinda, M.A., MFT, answers …

How we parents approach chores depends entirely on the age of our kids. It is always a good idea to start out by creating a foundation of self sufficiency and responsibility in our young ones. How do we go about that? When they are really little we teach by example. When they are older (5-9) we move on to including them in the process.

For example, when we clean their rooms, pick up their clothes, clean their clothes, fold their clothes, and put away their clothes (which barely puts a dent in what we do for our bundles of neediness), we get them in on the action by letting them do parts of the task themselves when possible.

Then we gently move into encouraging them to do some of these things without having to be told to do so (preferably without nagging). Soliciting them as helpers will make them feel useful and competent.

As they get older (9 and up) we can add real chores to the list, such as putting out the trash cans, bringing in the trash cans, setting the table, cleaning the kitchen, etc. What we have going for us at this stage is leverage. As you well know, our kids always want something. Even better, they think they really need that something. We can use this as incentive and start paying allowance. Place a price value on each chore and pay out at the end of the week. That way kids can choose how much money they want (sorry, need) to make.

Although it is a huge challenge for modern-day parents, it is not a good idea to purchase stuff for children for no reason and for no work. If they actually earn stuff they will appreciate it more.

Power to the parents!

Tony Malinda, M.A., M.F.T. has been a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for nearly 20 years. He is a counselor at the Westview school in West Los Angeles, has a private practice specializing in adolescents and parenting, and has two kids.