Hurricane Olivia just rolled into town and, within minutes, verified my growing suspicions of her explosive effect on my household. 

Screaming, crying, throwing, stomping – and that was just me.

My 9-year-old is, uh, assertive. For the most part, that is good. Nobody pushes her around. 

She’s smart, knows what she wants and is determined in all things. She would be president some day – if only the president had more power. Maybe, we’ll get lucky and they will let her run the whole hemisphere or something. 

I’m sure if given one of those career aptitude tests she would be the first that tested positively for “ruthless dictator.” 

Not to say her assertiveness isn’t a good thing sometimes. Olivia is the kid who finishes her schoolwork first and goes around helping other kids. She takes care of her baby sister and makes it her personal mission to teach her as much as she can. She has an incredibly large heart (She cries when she sees road kill. That is high motivation for me to avoid hitting animals with my car, as the hysterics would rupture my eardrums).

What’s really great is that I’m sure her approach will serve her well as a CEO who pushes people around for large amounts of money, ensuring that I will be taken care of in my old age. 

Chaos Anyone?

But then, there’s that negative side. 

She comes to my house every other weekend and for a majority of the summer, and immediately takes control of her sisters and the pets. She’d try pushing around the plants, but they see her coming and hide. 

This brings chaos to my home. She has an easy-going stepsister who is seven months younger than she is and who is not the least bit power-mad and is therefore vulnerable to her commands. I find myself often stepping in to stop her from doing Olivia’s tasks, or simply giving away her money and possessions. 

They also have a 3-year-old sister who may end up sharing some of Olivia’s headstrong traits, but for now is smaller and doesn’t speak much English (though as I wrote that, I saw the small one bark something unintelligible and take a swing at her big sister out of the corner of my eye. It may just be a matter of time before there’s a coup).

The pecking order is clear, which is fine. I get how that works with siblings. What I’m not so happy about is how the atmosphere changes lately when Olivia arrives. It’s like a buzzing cloud of energy is suddenly released into the house, forcing everyone to alter the routine or end up electrocuted. 

I get how Olivia may have some control issues, being that so much happens when she’s not here. And while I’m from a family that has proven astute through the years at chaos, I no longer covet such a state. So, I have a problem.

I imagine this is a situation experienced by a number of blended families. There are two sets of dynamics at work – one when the child is here, and one when she isn’t.  

Because my girl shuttles between homes, I don’t have as much control over her environment as I’d like. All I can do is talk to her, referee the conflicts, make sure no one is being unfairly targeted and pray she calms down. I love her spirit and determination. But everything that comes with it? It just wears me out sometimes. 

Tony Hicks is a columnist with Bay Area News Group.