Winning Ways to Help Kids Who Hate to Lose

By Antoinette Donovan Hemphill

Got a Sore Loser?

Anyone who’s been to a Little League game knows that some kids – and some adults – handle losses better than others. And it’s not just on the baseball diamond. Some children become fiercely competitive playing a game of checkers or Go Fish or even tag with friends on the playground. When things don’t go their way, they might throw a tantrum, sulk, or feel bad about themselves.

Darrell Burnett, a sports psychologist and author of It's Just a Game! Youth, Sports & Self Esteem: A Guide for Parents, believes that competition can give children a sense of belonging, and teach them respectful behavior and self-control. “Those are the worthwhile and wonderful parts of youth sports,” he says.

Sometimes, however, the competitive environment has a dark side. Experts agree there are strategies for turning sore losers into good sports if parents are willing to examine their own attitudes toward competition and have honest conversations with their kids.

Start Them Young

While playing a game might seem like a fun way to pass some time with your eager preschooler, be sensitive to your child’s developing skill set.

“Your average 4-year-old often struggles with taking turns or even bouncing a ball, so organized sports or games can be frustrating for them since they’re still learning,” says Sue Adair, director of education for the Goddard School® franchise system of childcare and preschool education programs nationwide.

If your child’s frustration results in a tearful meltdown over the outcome of Candy Land, calmly put the board game away and remove her from the situation. “Once the emotions have quieted down, then you can go back and talk about what happened and why they felt so upset,” Adair says.

If another child is involved, bring him or her into the conversation to reinforce the importance of good social behavior, such as taking turns and following a game’s rules. And even though it can be difficult to watch children become emotional during an activity that should be fun, they are learning from the experience.