Win the Bedtime Battles

3. Negotiate rules with your children. When you find yourself arguing about the same issue day after day, it’s time for a rule. Kids follow the rules more consistently when they help make them. While kids shouldn’t be allowed to negotiate the amount of time they should sleep (the National Center on Sleep Disorders Research recommends at least nine hours of sleep for children ages 7 to 12, and still more for younger children), you can ask them for their input on the practical details. Could they stay up later on weekends if they sleep later in the morning? Could they stay up for special evenings if they promise to nap the next day? Do they lose their story time if they are slow getting ready for bed? When you can enlist your children to help you clearly define the rules, they’ll follow them more willingly.

4. Create an environment that fosters sleep. Cut down on the number of bedroom distractions, such as TV and active toys. Make sure the room is quiet and dark. Create a relaxing bedtime routine. Don’t feed them large meals (and certainly no caffeinated drinks) close to bedtime. Reading a story or even playing a book on tape may help focus and settle their minds.

5. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Bedtime schedules are important for both parents and kids. We know that sleep comes more easily and the body functions most efficiently on a regular schedule. On the other hand, an extra 15 minutes now and then won’t hurt.

Engage and Coach

Remember that your children are less able to cope with their emotions and stress than you are. They’re learning how to manage time, how to deal with their rapidly changing bodies and desires, and how to deal with you.

Coach them along the way. If they seem to have trouble with bedtime, sit with them and ask them how you might work together to ease the stress. Talk about what you remember from your own childhood, or suggest ways they might think and behave that might help them. Focus less on closing the door tonight and more on how you can get them through this phase so that bedtimes will be more successful for both you and them next week, next month and next year.

Resources

How to Negotiate With Kids … Even If You Think You Shouldn't: 7 Essential Skills to End Conflict and Bring More Joy Into Your Family, by Scott Sinclair Brown, Viking Press, 2003.