Win the Bedtime Battles

by Scott Sinclair Brown

Of all the daily arguments in our home, the bedtime battles bother me the most. On one evening several years ago, after at least 30 minutes of my usual prodding, cajoling and downright barking, our then-8-year-old son looked up at me from his pillow and said: “The problem is, Dad, you don’t understand kids. Kids don’t like to go to bed.”

He was right. My research on conflict between parents and children reveals that most families argue about bedtime. In fact, after conflict about chores and sibling rivalry, arguments about bedtime are the most frequent family squabbles. A 1999 CNN/Time poll found that 48 percent of families argue regularly about bedtime, and my own surveys of parents and children show that 85 percent argue about bedtime at least once a month.

Understanding Bedtime Meltdowns

Psychologists have known for years that conflict between parents and children goes through cycles: arguments are more frequent just before lunch, naptime, dinner and bedtime. Those who supervise the care of many children every day in childcare centers around the country know that young children in particular are more prone to conflict and emotional meltdowns just before naptime.

But kids aren’t just “being difficult.” We now know that stress hormones peak during these times during the day, when children are tired or their blood sugar levels are low. These stress hormones affect children’s coping abilities, just as they affect our own.