When to Stop Second-Guessing and Get Professional Help for Your Child

It's normal for a teen to sometimes act depressed, withdrawn or irritable. But if the behavior seems constant, parents should look into the cause and possibly seek professional help.

By Janet Strassman Perlmutter

When you're a parent, worry comes with the territory.

For most of us, the worries start as soon as we know a baby is on the way. (Will my child be healthy?) Once the baby arrives and we've counted fingers and toes, we're on to the next worry … and the next … and the next. As parents, we're painfully aware of the many things that can go wrong; we can be overly vigilant for even a hint of something amiss in our child's health, development or behavior.

We know that we should trust our instincts. And many times, we also know, somewhere in the back of our mind, that the things worrying us are normal stages in our children's growing-up years.

So how do you strike a balance - keeping an eye on social, emotional and educational progress, but not envisioning the worst if cousin Anna is talking earlier than your 1-year-old or the neighbor's child is an eager reader in first grade and your 6-year-old doesn't even sound out all his letters?

With daily news about autism, attention deficit disorder, learning disabilities, anxiety or depression in kids, many parents move from curious to concerned pretty readily. How do you determine whether your child is going through a perfectly normal struggle with learning, shyness or nerves, for example, or whether he really needs professional help?

And what about the more murky area of a child's behavior and relationships within your family - an explosive, defiant teen or an 8-year-old who seems completely oblivious to the limits you set? When do you seek help outside the intimate boundaries of your own family? How do you know - and accept - when the problem is not one you can fix at home?

We asked a range of experts the questions on many parents' minds: How do I know if my child needs professional help? How will I know if my child's behavior or development is normal?

Start, the experts agree, by trusting your gut. "Parents know their children best," says Ronald Becker, M.D., a developmental behavioral pediatrician at Children's Hospital in Boston.