10 Talents of Parenting: Turning Worry into Trust

By Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D.

A friend once told me about a new mom who called her pediatrician about 50 times during the first two weeks of her son's life. Finally the pediatrician called the mom into her office and said, "Listen, you have become a parent. You have opened yourself up to a lifetime of worry. You have to pace yourself."

As a world-class worrier myself, born into a family of champion worriers, I often wonder what the opposite of worry might be. For us parents, I don't think that the opposite of worry is calm serenity. I haven't met too many calm and serene parents (unless they aren't paying attention!). Perhaps, though, we don't have to worry all the time about everything. Perhaps the opposite of worry is trust - trust in development, trust in your parenting, trust in the power of friendship, and trust in children's resilience.

Every spring, I get frantic phone calls from parents who are desperately worried because their 4-year-old children aren't ready for kindergarten. Of course, they're not! If a short phone call doesn't reassure them, I will meet the family, have a few sessions of play therapy with the child, and lo and behold, in September they are usually ready for kindergarten. I am happy to take all the credit, but the real work was done by development (don't tell anyone!).

Of course, it's hard to trust the power of development if your sister's toddler can count to 20 while yours is happier blowing bubbles in the tub, but don't worry. Development happens. On the other hand, if your child seems to be more than one developmental stage behind his or her peers, or if there seems to be no maturing happening for several months, then it's time to see if there is something more serious to worry about.

Trust Your Early Parenting

As children enter the world of peers, many parents panic about losing their influence. How could my sweet child come home with all that bathroom talk, those bad manners, that sassy attitude, or that burning desire for the latest toy or video game? (It's funny, isn't it, that it is always other people's kids who start these trends and influence our innocent children.)