Tips from the Trenches: Parents Weigh In on Raising Teens

We recently solicited parents for their input on raising teenagers and received a wide variety of comments, which are printed below. These comments are all from moms. But fathers, too, have important things to say about raising their teens. Dads, let us know how you’re weathering your children’s teen years.

• Having a teenager who is involved in a sport is not only great for the teen, but for the parents also. As teenagers have less to talk about with Mom and Dad, a sport or other activity is something you can both be interested in and “communicate” about.

• The car (while the parent is driving) is the best place to have a conversation, especially about something the teen might not want to talk about, because they can’t get mad and walk away. You can talk things out.

• It is very important to be consistent and follow through with consequences that you impose.

– Diane, mother of three, ages 16 to 22

• Always listen first. On touchy subjects, get your teen’s input before you give yours. For example, when there’s an incident in town involving kids and drugs, I always ask, “So what’s the scoop on so and so?” very conversationally, very nonjudgmentally. It’s amazing what you learn.

• Eat together. Sit down at a table and eat together as often as possible. Make it clear that at a certain time every evening, you’ll be at the table and whoever is home (and their guests) is expected to be there too.

• Forget about regular sleep – if they’re awake and ready to talk at 11:30 p.m., be there.

• After they get a driver’s license, make them take a cell phone and call you when they get where they’re going and call you when they leave to come home. (Having had kids both before and after the proliferation of cell phones, I can tell you, the peace of mind is well worth the price of the phone.)

• Be very clear on your core values -- what matters and what doesn’t; then choose your battles.

– Anonymous