Time-in Before Time-out: Tools for Kids and Parents to Use in Interpersonal Situations

By Lisa Kosan

Alan E. Kazdin, Ph.D., director of the Yale Child Study Center and an expert on children’s behavior problems, offers a five-step exercise for children to use in a range of interpersonal situations. They need to:

1. Ask, “What am I supposed to do?”

2. Say, “I need to look at all my possibilities.”

3. Say, “I had better concentrate and focus in.”

4. Say, “I need to make a choice.”

5. Say, “I did a good job” or “Oh, I made a mistake.”

Evaluating their choices, the alternatives and consequences will lead to better problem-solving skills and behavior, Kazdin says.

The Four Ps

For his part, Christophersen has come up with an approach for parents that he calls the “Four Ps”:

• Pretend (model the behavior for your child).

• Practice the skills frequently (just like you would help your child prepare for a spelling test).

• Prompt your child to use the skills.

• Praise them when they do.

If you stick to these, you’ll rarely have to resort to a fifth “P” for punishment, according to Edward Christophersen, Ph.D., a professor of pediatrics at Children’s Mercy Hospital in Kansas City.