The New Macho Mom

Accepting that you're looking at a Mount Fiji-sized change and giving yourself the time and space to plan for your new life and, more important, for your new sense of yourself makes a lot more sense than investing in a chic maternity wardrobe you hope will double as back-to-work wear.

By Ann Pleshette Murphy

All mothers should turn the telescope around and examine themselves as women who are continually developing along with their children, according to author Ann Pleshette Murphy. For many women, this concept means slowing down and taking time to embrace all aspects of pregnancy and motherhood.

Murphy, an award-winning parenting expert for ABC TV's Good Morning America and former editor in chief of Parents magazine, explores the ever-changing role of moms in her book The 7 Stages of Motherhood: Loving Your Life Without Losing Your Mind. In this piece, selected from the book's first chapter, "Stage 1 - Altered States: Pregnancy, Birth and the Fourth Trimester," Murphy chronicles a portion of her powerful journey from the unexpected death of her infant daughter to her subsequent pregnancy a year later, as well as thoughts from other women who mistakenly barrel through pregnancy.

When I found out I was pregnant the second time, my anxiety was understandably high, but once everything seemed normal, I hurtled ahead, adjusting my frenetic routine as little as possible. One morning I was running late to the office, and in my frantic sprint into the subway car I slipped, slamming my head against the edge of the door. By the time the train arrived at the next stop, I looked as though my unborn baby was about to spring Athena-like from my swelling forehead and several of my fellow straphangers were advising me to "get the hell off and put some ice on that thing."

I wound up at my parents' apartment a few blocks away, where my father, an obstetrician-gynecologist, ministered to my sore head and bruised ego.

"You have to slow down, darling," he admonished, placing an ice pack on my throbbing brow. "You're pregnant."

I realized later that he had stated the obvious because I was ignoring the obvious, racing through my days with a ferocious determination to prove I could still do it all, that nothing had changed. I'm sure I was running as fast as I could out of fear - fear that if I indulged in fantasies about this baby, in images of myself as a mom, of Steve as a dad - I might suffer the same loss and disappointment we had our first time. But even after an amniocentesis reassured us that everything was fine, I kept a tight rein on my fantasies and a tight schedule at work.