The Mysteries of Middle School

A Household Word Column by Carol Band

Middle school can be a scary place. Not for the 11-year-olds itching to leave the warm-and-fuzzy confines of elementary school and eat lunch with kids who shave, but for parents who have to accept that their child is growing up and entering a world where lockers have combinations and where hormones lurk around every corner.
ass=MsoNormal>Fortunately, the middle-school curriculum is carefully structured, and the staff professionally trained to help children bridge the awkward period between the elementary years and high school. For most parents, however, the middle school experience is a dark and mysterious tunnel that morphs our sweet babies into surly adolescents and makes us wonder, “Is it cocktail hour yet?”


ass=MsoNormal>As the mother of a recent eighth-grade graduate, I’ve learned a few things that I hope will shed some light into that developmental tunnel and make the next few years a little less terrifying for you:


ass=MsoNormal>1. The weight of your child’s backpack has no relationship to the amount of homework he or she must complete. An 80-pound child who drags home 40 pounds of books and papers will still claim to have no homework.


ass=MsoNormal>2. Kids who say that they have no homework should be required to clean their rooms and organize their backpacks. Faced with this alternative, middle school students will often display remarkable powers of recall.


ass=MsoNormal>3. Never ever pull up to the front steps of the school when you are driving your child to or picking her up from middle school. No matter how heavy the backpack is, your child would rather walk an additional half block than risk having anyone discover that she has parents – especially parents as weird as you.


ass=MsoNormal>4. Despite all appearances, middle school is not populated by little boys and 30-year-old hookers. Girls just mature faster. Much faster.


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