Talking About Sex

Parents Need to Do a Better Job Communicating with Their Kids

Last year, a Kaiser Family Foundation study found that 70 percent of parents surveyed want to do a better job talking to their children about sex. But they don’t know how.

Part of the problem is that we confuse sex with sexuality, says Kenneth Ginsburg, M.D., M.S.Ed., author of But I’m Almost 13! and an adolescent health specialist at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. Parents think sex education is all about genitals, and that’s a discussion for when your child is ready to learn about anatomy and sexual intercourse, he says. But “sexuality is a continuum of human behavior that includes loving, intimacy, caring and respecting yourself and others,” Ginsburg says. “That you teach your little, little kids. You begin very early.”

Psychiatrist Lynn Ponton, M.D., author of The Sex Lives of Teenagers, laments that many American parents are unable to converse with their kids about this important topic. She blames the conflict between the “sex is bad” Puritan mindset amid a liberal media with graphic sexual advertising. “So you’ve got explicit images in a culture that doesn’t discuss sex,” Ponton says. “That’s confusing for young people.”

It’s never an easy discussion at first, but Ponton offers 10 tips in her book:

1. Speak directly about sex, using simple language to describe feelings and activities.

2. Start early. Explore language your child may hear outside of the home, and observe and discuss messages around sexuality in the media.

3. Talk with teens about the extremes in cultural attitudes toward sex.