Strategies for the Holidays When You Have Multiple Sets of Grandparents

When it comes to grandparents, more is mostly better – except at the holidays.

Katy is one lucky 4-year-old. She and her 1–year-old twin brothers have four sets of doting grandparents. They also have two step-great-grandparents. Sound familiar?

The Stepfamily Foundation estimates that half of all Americans are currently involved in some form of step relationship. Even though Katy and her brothers live in an intact family with their biological mom and dad, they are affected by these demographic trends. Their baby-boomer grandparents belong to the generation that made divorce commonplace and experimented widely with family structure. Dealing with multiple sets of grandparents can be both challenging and rewarding. And, with little how-to advice available for sorting out this modern tangle, families are creating their own solutions.

Fair, If Not Always Equal

Making decisions rivaling King Solomon’s, Katy’s parents learned how to allocate her time – and later, her brothers’ – to each of the four sets of grandparents. All of them live in the same geographical area, so they arrange to see one set of grandparents each week. It works, but Alison notes one major trade-off: "We don’t have any social life that’s not with one of our children’s grandparents." Katy and her brothers are fortunate that relations among their multiple sets of grandparents are amicable. On special occasions, they’re all able to be together.

But in today’s mobile society, the multiple sets of grandparents are not always in the same geographical area and they often don’t get along so well. Many parents have to search for creative ways to make sure that their children get fair, if not always equal, amounts of time with their grandparents.

Holidays Present Special Problems

Holidays and special occasions can be particularly touchy. Some parents opt to alternate spending a holiday like Thanksgiving with a different set of grandparents each year, rather than trying to squeeze in multiple visits in one year.