Spring Cleaning

And shampoo the carpet. And even wash the windows.

And to think that just two weeks before I was content to lie on the sofa in my slippers watching the cobwebs in the ceiling corners sway in the breeze. But, I tell you, no more. Once springtime hits a person can never be too organized.

Don’t bother asking me why this happens. It could be that the sudden freedom after being cooped up in the house all winter makes me giddy. Or maybe all of the new flowers and baby birds give the illusion of a fresh start. Or perhaps I’m possessed.

But my theory is that, by spring, all of the good oxygen has been used up in the house, which makes me start hallucinating.

Whatever the reason, I decided to kick off this spring season by getting rid of all the clothes in my closet that:

(a) I haven’t worn in over five years,

(b) I bought sometime before 1982, or

(c) won’t fit onto my body without the assistance of a power vise or a bone corset.

On the surface, cleaning out your closet may seem like an easy process. But, after all, so do wood carving and figure skating. The problem is that, for some people, dealing with clothes can be a very emotional experience. Much like getting on the scale or shopping at two-for-one sales.

Nevertheless, if all these years as a woman have taught me anything at all, it’s that the first rule about dealing with clothing is that you need to remain detached and objective: you need a system. So I planned to sort my clothes into two piles: keep and discard.