Play: The Surprising Way Dads Connect with Their Children

When I drive through my neighborhood in the late afternoon, I notice a substantial number of fathers playing with their children: swinging the end of a jump rope, pitching a ball to a little fellow not much larger than the bat he’s trying valiantly to master, shooting baskets or simply having fun together.

You may not find this unusual, but from my perspective, it’s not only unusual, it’s absolutely delightful to behold.

Fifty years ago, when I was a teenager, it was an extraordinary father who played with his kids – a rara avis. Fathers were the sole breadwinners and rarely had time to play. Oh, there were occasional exceptions; a few dads took active roles with their sons in scouting, but while scouting could be fun, it certainly wasn’t play. Back then, boys and their fathers were left holding a nearly empty bag, one that could have been full of warm father-son moments.

I’m very pleased when I witness today’s dads playing with their children. I’m all the more pleased because I’m just as likely to see a father and daughter playing sports as I am to witness a play-filled moment between father and son. Dad, the major role model for his son, has a critical cross-gender role to model for his daughter. A father’s consistent and positive interactions with his daughter help her form good self-esteem, as well as healthy relationships with other males as she grows older.

By engaging her in an athletic or strategic play, Dad is helping her develop a strong body and a strong mind. He’s also showing her that she’s just as important as her brother, and preparing her to see herself as an equal on the playing field of life.

There are further unspoken, multilevel benefits in play-filled moments between a father and his children – boys or girls. Dad is tacitly saying, “Yes, there are hundreds of demands on my time and attention, but you are so important to me that those other matters will just have to wait.”