Over-Scheduled Children

Charlotte Yeh says her two oldest children, Julianne, 9, and Jessalyn, 7 also love their busy schedules. In fact, when she attempted to reduce Julianne's load - which at the time included Hebrew School, a children's theater production, and twice-weekly gymnastics - her daughter insisted she could "do it all."

And she did. "She learned to do her homework on the way to and from school. She got to bed on time and got up on time," recalls her mother. "It was a very valuable experience, and the choice was hers."

Jessalyn has shown the same independence, taking piano lessons on top of an intensive gymnastics program held three times a week. "We never had to tell her to practice. She just does it," her mother says.

Yeh acknowledges she and her husband, Fred Gayle, initially directed their daughters toward these activities. "As parents, we pushed it when they were little. We wanted them to get used to the idea of being involved in multiple activities. That way, they could pick and choose later."

One benefit of the hectic scheduling is that when one child has an activity planned, the other children in the family get a chance for extra one-on-one time with a parent, Yeh says. The same is true for the long hours spent commuting back and forth to activities. "It's a time for conversations. That's when you can begin to discover what's going on in a child's head."

Taking a Break

Yeh says she watches for signs that her kids are overdoing it.

"Every now and then, when an activity gets really intense and they need a break, we'll say 'You're not going to gymnastics today.' Knowing that we can make that choice helps," she says.

According to Brazelton, that type of insight is critical.

While it's important to "expose children to a complex society and give them skills they can choose from," he says, it's equally critical to recognize how much of a good thing is too much.

Kathi Heater, a mother of four, says experience has taught her when to say "No."

"I think one of the biggest mistakes our generation made was that we didn't do anything as kids," she says. "And in making up for it, we tend to say 'We didn't do this so you should.' But we learned over the years that they didn't have time to play."

Among her children's activities are gymnastics for 9-year-old Jenny and 4-year-old Cullen; horseback riding for Jenny and 7-year-old Devin; French lessons for Jenny and Devin; religious instruction and seasonal sports. Heater says she's careful to keep the scheduling reasonable. And that means keeping a few afternoons a week open for "riding their bikes in the driveway or watching television."

She says she makes sure her children follow through on the activities they choose and drop the ones they lose interest in. "Why spend the money and drive them crazy?"

Those strategies help prevent stress, burn-out and loss of imagination among highly scheduled children, particularly at the early elementary and preschool ages, says Braun.

"Parents need to make sure they have blocks of unscheduled time," she says. "They need to say 'All day Sunday we're going to hang out and be here.' And then they need to do it on the children's time." Braun cautions parents against falling into the trap of filling free moments with running to the bank, grocery shopping or dropping off the dry cleaning.

"That's being with children on the parents' time," she says. "What they really need are blocks of simple, unscheduled time, where they can lie down and suck their thumbs if they want to or just run around the yard.

Is Your Child Over-Scheduled?

Check these 8 signs that your child may be overscheduled.

Karen Miller-Medzon is a free-lance writer and a mother.