Minding Your Pregnancy Manners

By Diane Gottsman

For most moms, the sight of a fellow "mom in waiting" evokes immediate feelings of our own pregnancies - the joys, the tears, the insensitive etiquette faux pas that well-intentioned people make during a woman's most hormonal, emotional and sensitive time. Even the most heartfelt comment can sometimes skip the track and land a person in the Protocol Hall of Shame.

Fear not, here are a few tips to carry with you the next time you stumble over your own words. Pass them on to your husband and your children.

Don't worry if your child asks, "Mommy, why is Aunt Tessa so fat?" Children are excused from the Protocol Hall of Shame. Simply answer by saying, "Aunt Tessa has a baby in her tummy." For most, that will suffice. But, for an older child, more questions may come up and that is another article altogether.

Questions to Avoid

• Are you sure you're not having twins?


• How much weight have you gained?


• Are you afraid to be in your 40s and pregnant?


• Did you take fertility drugs?


• Should you be eating those doughnuts?


• Does the doctor know you drink coffee?


• Are you sure about your due date?


• When are you due? (Never ask unless you are sure she is pregnant!)


• Is it a girl or a boy? (If she wants you to know, she will offer the information.)


• Are you going to breastfeed?


• Don't you think you should have an amnio just to make sure?


• Ouch, don't your feet hurt?


• Shouldn't you stop exercising just in case … ?

Comments to Avoid

• I hope your labor is not as bad as mine.


• You better make sure and ask for pain medicine early.


• Just pray the epidural works the first time.


• The older you are, the harder it is to lose the baby weight.


• Your face looks better now that you've put on some weight.


• Let me touch that belly for good luck.


• Better you than me!


• I hope it's not in the water.


• You haven't gained anywhere but your tummy. (She'll know it's a lie.)


• If you decide to breastfeed, you will bond quicker with your baby.


• My neighbor is due before you and she is a lot smaller.


• With your luck you'll have another boy!