A Household Word
Greetings Earthlings
Last year, I didn’t send out any holiday greeting cards. It’s one of my favorite traditions, but I was busy doing other important stuff. Like standing in line at the Gap, untangling miles of Christmas lights and looking for tape so I could get the cat hair off my black velvet pants. Besides, I couldn’t find a card that I liked.
It’s not easy. Especially because our family address book has the names of friends and relatives who celebrate one or more of the winter holidays including Hanukkah, Christmas, Ramadan and the winter solstice. Any card that we endorse has to be almost neutral and entirely politically correct.
That means no images of mangers or wise men bearing gifts. Menorahs are out, so are schnauzers in Santa suits, reindeer, angels, candy canes, pine trees, stockings, six-pointed stars, five-pointed stars and anything red and green or blue and white. Still, the card must be meaningful with an uplifting message and printed, preferably, on 100-percent recycled paper. It’s a tall order for a card.
This year, I decided that I’d start early and find the perfect card. I looked at the selection in Wal-Mart and at the local Hallmark shop, but none conformed to my stringent standards. The cards with serenely snowy winter landscapes on the outside had overtly religious proclamations on the inside. The ones that contained sentiments that I support featured schmaltzy illustrations and photos of schnauzers in Santa caps.
Sending e-mail cards began to have some appeal. I’d save money on postage and I could wait until the last minute to send them out. But not everyone in my address book has a computer, and I’m sure that many of my friends would see the attachment, note that it was from me, and assume it was a virus.
I thought about bringing a snapshot of our family to the local camera store and having them make that into a card. But I couldn’t find any pictures where I didn’t look fat.
