Life-Threatening Illnesses: How to Tell Your Kids

By Corrie Pelc

An Act of Faith
It was just a week before Christmas 2002 when Placerville, CA resident, Mark Nielebeck realized something was wrong.

"It was over a course of about a two-week period that I went from having some rather severe headaches to progressing to vomiting and passing out and actually slightly hallucinating," he recalls.

After several hospital visits and lab tests, Nielebeck learned that he had a brain tumor located between the lobes of his brain in an inner ventricle. It had to be removed immediately and the difficult operation was scheduled for the first week in January 2003.

"It was just one of those times when you’re really not sure what’s going to happen and it was very scary," Neilebeck, recalls.

Nielebeck, a stockbroker, and his wife, Geri, faced having to tell their three sons, now ages 2, 4 and 7.

Nielebeck and his wife believed in telling the truth.

"We wanted them to understand that Daddy is sick and is going to need some attention from the doctor and specifically a surgical procedure," he says. "But we wanted them to understand as much of the facts as possible so that although they’re still going to be a little nervous, they’re not facing just fear."

The operation was a success and Nielebeck is back playing with his rock band, Hook, but he says he is glad he was honest with his children about his condition.

Keep Age in Mind

Being honest with their kids is exactly what Lyla Tyler, facilitator of the Children’s Art Therapy Support Group (CATS) at the Sutter Cancer Center in Sacramento, California, advises parents to do when telling their children they have been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness.

"The most important thing, is that the parents are honest with their kids and don’t try to shield them from the diagnosis because they’re going to pick up that something’s going on," she says.

At the same time, Tyler says, parents should keep in mind the ages of the children when deciding how to tell them.