Life Is Different: A Baby Changes Everything

By Melanie Bowden

A common misconception in American culture is that if you are in a stable relationship, your finances are good, and your pregnancy is planned, then you shouldn't have any problems adjusting to life with a new baby. Lisa is one of millions of women who thought she was prepared for the arrival of her first child. She and her husband, Chris, had been happily married for almost two years. They both had successful careers and were excited about bringing a baby into their lives.

"I had no fears or trepidations about being a mother," Lisa says. "I thought I knew what was in store."

When Lisa's baby, Abby, was 2 weeks old, the baby started crying - "all day!" Lisa says. "We tried putting her on the dryer, in the swing, driving her around, using the pacifier, swaddling, walking her, rocking her. She was a classic colicky baby. I was thinking, 'Oh my God, my life is over, and I'm stuck with this horrible, screaming baby!' I had terrible anxiety. If she wasn't asleep, I was anxious. I also felt like I couldn't survive it at times.

"I remember Chris stayed home from work one day, and he was so frustrated with the crying that he said, 'It takes two adults to take care of one baby!' There were days when I felt like it took three."

Lisa's father, a physician, noticed that Lisa was depressed.

"We knew it was more than the baby blues," Lisa says. "I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't eat and I was down to my pre-pregnancy weight within two weeks after birth. I would rather sleep than eat. I felt like I was grieving the loss of my old life."

Seeking Help

Lisa called her obstetrician's office and talked to the nurse about her depression: "The nurse said, 'the doctor doesn't deal with these issues.' I couldn't believe how hard it was to get help.

"I was eventually able to get in to see a psychiatrist at four-weeks postpartum and get medication. I started taking Zoloft, and it worked pretty quickly - within seven days. I didn't go to therapy because I didn't feel the need, and I would have had to pay for it out of pocket ... I did experience two side effects from the Zoloft - no libido and weight gain. I gained 10 pounds. I took Zoloft until Abby was 4 months old and then switched to Wellbutrin, which helped with the libido issues. I stopped the Wellbutrin when Abby was 6 months old and haven't had a bout of depression since."

When Abby was a month old, Lisa contacted a postpartum doula whose name she obtained from a local baby store. She arranged for the doula to come twice a week for three hours at a time.

"It was also helpful to hear other mothers' stories at mothers' groups," she said. "I would feel good about Abby after going to those groups."