Kids’ Role in Co-Parenting

Every year, 1 million U.S. kids become children of divorce. In settling custody issues, their parents are likely to create co-parenting agreements – committing to working together to raise their kids. But co-parenting has its challenges. In this fourth and final part of our series on co-parenting, we look at some common obstacles and how to overcome them.


By Brette Sember

Co-Parenting: Why You Need Your Children’s Cooperation and How to Get It











Read our complete Co-Parenting Series:

1. How Separated Parents Can Make It Work

2. How to Be a Parenting Team When You're No Longer a Couple

3. 7 Pitfalls of Co-Parenting and How to Overcome Them 

4. Kids' Role in Co-Parenting: Why You Need Your Children’s Cooperation and How to Get It

Divorced or separated parents aren’t the only ones who need to work together in a co-parenting relationship; they need their children’s cooperation as well. And that’s not always easy to achieve. Helping your child adjust takes time and patience.

Parents need to convey from the outset that their children will not get to control the co-parenting arrangement. Asking your kids, “Where do you want to live?” or “What days of the week would you like to see Daddy?” suggests that they’re in control. And that’s simply too much responsibility for a child. The child may also end up feeling that you’re seeking his input because he’s ultimately to blame for the divorce.

So when you’re talking about this new arrangement, tell the child that:

• You all care very much what he thinks, but the adults in the situation (parents, lawyers, the judge, mediator, etc.) are going to make a decision based on what is best for the family.

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