Kids Clothes: Choosing a Wardrobe that Makes Both of You Happy

“Eating and dressing are two areas that evolve into battles no matter what age your child is,” says Charlene Messenger, Ph.D., an expert on children’s sense of self and author of Secrets of the Third Little Pig: Seven Steps to Build a Child’s Inner Strength. “They both represent autonomy. When a child doesn’t like what is happening in another area of his life, clothes are one way he can express himself and put his foot down.” Clothing choices are an important mode of self-expression.

Messenger, president and founder of a children’s counseling center, urges parents to “decide what you can and can’t live with and then let everything else go.” You might, for example, insist on certain outfits for special occasions (weddings, visits to the grandparents) in exchange for agreeing to let your kids call the shots for school. Explain the reasons behind your decision to the child – “We dress this way to show respect for Grandma and Grandpa,” or “We dress up for celebrations” – but don’t let it be a point for negotiation.

As with other parenting matters, she says, “You can’t fight all the battles all the time.” Though you may grit your teeth, resist the urge to seize your child and forcibly put on – or take off – an object of clothing.

“This topic is just abuzz with emotion – both good and bad,” says Edward M. Hallowell, M.D., a child psychiatrist and author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness: Five Steps to Help Kids Create and Sustain Lifelong Joy. “Some of the best times I’ve had with my 13-year-old daughter have been when I’ve taken her shopping for clothes, just the two of us.”

But for every mother or father who shares idyllic shopping trips with an appreciative child, it seems, there are 10 who despair of ever appearing in public with their child without cringing.