How to Teach Kids Self-Discipline


4 Steps to Teaching Kids Responsibility

Psychologist Charles Fay, Ph.D., of the Love and Logic Institute, suggests four steps for parents who want their children to learn self-discipline and a sense of responsibility:

1. Give children lots of freedom to exercise choices over issues with small consequences.

2. Secretly hope your child blows it.

3. When he or she blows it, provide a dose of sympathy.

4. Let your child make the same mistake again.

The mistake some parents make, Fay says, is intervening rather than letting natural consequences take their course. Children learn from their mistakes.
- Sandra Whitehead

The power of consultant parents is that they allow kids to live their lives in a safe, learning environment. When a child experiences success, it is his or her own.

"A lot of people have been raised to believe that good parents make sure their kids are always good," says Fay. "The result is that they micromanage their child's life and their child doesn't learn anything."

In today's competitive, fast-moving world, children and teens can make big mistakes that have serious, even lifelong, consequences. That's why self-discipline and self-control are so important, and it's why parents need to help guide their kids to find and listen to that still, small voice inside - the one that reflects values, knowing what's right and wrong, patience and sound reasoning.

"The price tag for mistakes goes up every day," Fay says. "It's good for kids to make lots of mistakes when the consequences are small."

Parenthood Resources:

Chores That Help Breed Self-Discipline

Wait Loss: Teaching Our Kids The Value Of Waiting

Why Today’s Parents Are Too Permissive Or Too Controlling and What It Means For Children

Web Resources:

Love and Logic Institute -Offers practical teaching and parenting tools to help adults achieve "respectful, healthy relationships" with children. The Web site provides free articles and sells books, CDs and multimedia products.

Help Your Kids Get It Done Right at Home and at School!, by Donna M. Genett, Ph.D., Quill Driver Books, 2005. Features a six-step process for building responsibility and self-esteem in children. An accompanying workbook is also available. For more information, go to www.WantItDoneRight.com.

Raising Resilient Children, by Robert Brooks, Ph.D., and Sam Goldstein, Ph.D., McGraw-Hill, 2001. Provides strategies for nurturing self-discipline, self-esteem, responsibility, caring, hope and resilience in children. Also see Brooks' Web site www.drrobertbrooks.com.

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