How to Protect Your Kids from Peer Cruelty
Empower your child to solve problems. “Help your child to be an active participant (in finding a solution),” Brooks urges. Ask the teased child, “What do you think would be helpful?” Provide options if needed, such as ignoring the offending child or making light of the comments if it’s an infrequent occurrence. Then, when necessary, assist in shaping the child’s response into a realistic plan. Brooks finds that this improves a child’s sense of control and dignity.
Teach children to talk directly to one another, not about one another, advises Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out. These aren’t skills well practiced, she finds. As a result problems intensify. Direct communication fosters resolutions.
Provide kids with an alternative environment. Consider church or temple youth groups, scouts, summer camp or a new sport or activity outside the social circle where persistent teasing takes place. “It’s hard for kids to understand that it will end,” Simmons says. “It’s important to have a place where they’re not feeling those feelings.” She recalls the emotional pain she endured in her own youth, “I didn’t feel that way when I was playing basketball.”
Use therapists as a resource, not just in a crisis. “Counseling is an underrated and underused resource,” says Simmons, “especially with a child who isn’t going to talk to you.” She recommends counseling to help kids who are making poor social decisions, who have very low self-esteem, and who seem to be unhappy. “Therapy gave me all the wisdom I have to write this book,” says this childhood victim and perpetrator of bullying, now a best-selling author.
Return to When Kids Are Unkind: Understanding Social Cruelty Among Children.
