How to Protect Your Kids from Peer Cruelty

Parents can protect their children from being the victims of peer cruelty, say those who’ve studied children’s social interactions. But protection rarely means fighting kids’ battles for them. Here are some ways adults can help children tolerate the teasing and tormenting that many will experience to some degree during their school years:


  • Encourage friendships. Psychologist and author Michael Thompson, Ph.D., reports that “85 percent of kids are OK, able to tolerate social cruelty, because they have friends.” He finds they get picked on less and bounce back more easily.

    Thompson expresses greater concern for the vulnerability of kids without friends. He recommends that parents help facilitate friendships among children without orchestrating kids’ friendships for them. Don’t control, but do create opportunities where friendships can occur. Open your home to your kids’ friends. Make time to transport kids to social events. Help arrange play dates for kids too young to do so on their own.

  • Validate a child’s experience, emphasizes psychologist Robert Brooks, Ph.D., an expert on children’s resilience. Experts find that responses like “Just be more thick-skinned” or “This happens to everyone,” when a child is upset at being teased, can leave him or her feeling unsupported. Brooks recommends letting kids know you hear their hurt with comments like, “Anyone would be upset if they’re being teased.”

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