Getting Your Relationship Ready for Baby

8 Secrets Every New Parent Should Know

By Sharon Fried Buchalter, Ph.D.

I use the word secrets to describe basic traits that all new parents need to maintain mental, emotional and physical health. Better than that, these foundational traits translate into concrete, real-life coaching skills that you can practice now in your partnership.

How you will parent your child extends from your heart, emotional balance, thinking and people-skills that you have developed in previous relationships. Research has demonstrated that a depressed mom is more likely to have a depressed toddler. An angry father may demonstrate such behavioral patterns for his child to model. To change these patterns now is a golden opportunity to be a successful person and, moreover, an outstanding parent.

Here are the eight secrets that every new parent should know:

1 Healthy Self-Esteem – Long-standing research in education and psychology has connected healthy levels of self-esteem to success and leadership. Healthy self-esteem gives you the edge as an effective, nurturing parent in that you will find yourself with more confidence and willingness to grow with your mate.

2 Open Communication– A fundamental truth about relationships is that your intimacy is founded upon your ability to speak with each other and trust what you hear. Communication consists of speaking a clear message and also listening attentively. If you and your partner don’t speak and listen clearly with each other, then your children are likely to get mixed messages about what you expect from them.  See a Keys to Effective Communication.

3 Solving Problems and Resolving Conflict– Believe it or not, the majority of people do not know how to solve a problem. A problem requires that someone observe the situation, assess the dynamics, review the resources and then think through viable solutions.
For example, if you knew ahead of time that you would be breastfeeding your newborn, then you would anticipate any problems you might encounter and then educate yourself on the solutions. You might keep a reference book on breastfeeding nearby for those small emergency questions. It is possible to anticipate the major problems of being a new parent, and educate yourself to solve the problem before it happens.