Forming a Lasting Bond with Your Baby

By Jonathan M. Fanaroff, M.D.

Research shows that bonding – the emotional attachment between parent and child – fosters a sense of security, improves health and provides the first model for intimate relationships formed later in life.

With such high stakes, many parents feel anxious about the process – especially when the initial bond isn’t what the parent expected. Just remember, bonding happens naturally. Whether you feel an instant connection to your newborn or it takes a bit longer, there are many ways to build a secure bond.

Bond During Pregnancy

Begin to bond with baby before she is born, helping to set the stage for lifelong intimacy. Feel baby’s movement as the pregnancy progresses, see ultrasounds, write in a journal or write letters to your baby, and rub your belly to connect with your child. Dads and adoptive parents can participate in these activities, too. By the second trimester, your baby develops the ability to hear, and you can play music or talk to her. Studies show that early interaction will lay the groundwork for your relationship outside of the womb. In fact, newborns often show a marked preference for their parents’ voices because those voices are already familiar.

Connect with Baby in the Hospital

When choosing where to give birth, look for a family-centered hospital that encourages parent-child bonding. No hospital actively discourages bonding, but some place a stronger emphasis on attachment. Several facilities allow parents to sleep on cots near their baby in neonatal intensive care. Others have a staff of lactation consultants to assist breastfeeding mothers. If medically possible, arrange for your baby to sleep in your room and take an active role in his care. You can also ask to hold him after birth or request that dad cut the umbilical cord.