Fathering a Son

Rough and Humble: Dads and Their Sons

Fathers help boys become loving and wise men by modeling, being with and teaching them...

By Gregory Keer

I've been coaching basketball for my oldest son, now 9, for the last four years. The first season was utter father joy. Whether my 5-year-old grabbed a rebound or got hit in the head with the Spalding, he wore a permanent smile.

"That's my boy," I'd say to anyone within earshot.

The next year, my son became tentative. In the heat of a game, I shouted at him to get aggressive. Many times. Once, I made him cry. Later, I agonized over my callousness. I was supposed to be the kind of guy who could handle my child drawing flowers instead of throwing balls.

Last year, my kid took one miserable shot in 10 games. A stressed-out grimace replaced his ever-present grin. After the season, my wife thought he should take a break. Yet, despite conflicting emotions, I believed that continuing sports offered so many benefits to a boy.

David Kleiner, a pediatrician with two sons, has similar feelings.

"Sports are rough and competitive," he says, "but my older son is learning self-confidence, physicality, restraint and how to deal with adversity and loss. Last year, when my son was 7, he had a hockey coach who yelled frequently. Not used to this, my son talked through a lot of teary moments with me. The following season, when he happened to have this coach again, I asked if he would be OK. He said he knew how to handle his coach now, and smiled."