FamilyMan: Evil Dad

By Gregory Keer

I don't enjoy seeing car wrecks, reading about celebrity breakups, or learning of the latest politician caught doing something illegal. But I do like witnessing other children behaving badly.

I know it's sinful, a little evil, even. But that doesn't stop the twisted inflation of my ego resulting from other parents having a similar or worse time than I usually have. Honestly, I do not wish misfortune on any parent - I just want to be there when it happens.

I didn't always know I had this character flaw. For most of my fatherhood tenure, I've been too preoccupied to notice it while my own kids went through phases of throwing breakable items in grocery stores and telling friends that Santa Claus doesn't really exist.

My youngest boy, Ari, may be my biggest troublemaker. At an amusement park, he thought it was hilarious to randomly swat other grown-ups while I carried him through the crowd. I'm pretty sure he would have laughed harder if I'd been punched in the nose by one of his surprised victims.

Although I know that all children misbehave at times - and that pushing boundaries can be healthy, especially when the stakes are low at the younger ages - I worry about the judgments of others who might see me as an ineffective parent.

I sometimes fantasize about turning into a Dickens character, pulling my kids by the collar and growling at them in a cockney accent, "Mind your manners, my urchins. It's not wise to make your father look bad." (Actually, I did that once and my kids laughed at me.)

But a recent conversation has allowed me to embrace my vampire-like desire to feed off other parents' misery. During a basketball game for my oldest son, I watched a father on the sidelines, trying to give advice to his 8-year-old kid, who responded with, "Why should I listen to you, Daddy? You stink at shooting!"

Then, my friend Adam, a master of the witty aside, leaned toward me and said, "There's a column for you. Write about how much fun it is to see other parents suffer."

We spent the rest of the game recounting tales from the parenting dark side. When once, as younger men, we might have shot the breeze about girlfriends, pro sports, and bad job experiences, we were now reduced to cackling gossips.

Articles Tools

Top