Family Man: With or Without You

By Gregory Keer


Once you become a parent, the whole concept of vacation changes. Really, can you call it a "break" when you're lugging overstocked diaper bags, managing meltdowns in previously quiet museums, and fielding complaints about how boring nature is?


So, when my dad and step-mom offered to take my wife and I to New York for my 40th birthday - without the kids - I said, "How soon can we leave?"


In the months leading up to the trip, every time I reached my wits' end about Benjamin forgetting to study his spelling words, Jacob examining snails in the kitchen, or Ari belly-laughing after smashing my face with a board book, I thought of the days Wendy and I were to spend in the Big Apple.


Yet, as our departure date approached, a different feeling crept in: guilt. How could I leave my children for so long? They would be in the wonderfully capable hands of my in-laws, my mom and my grandmother, but could they coax them to brush their teeth or soothe them if they had nightmares?


Wendy felt the remorse too - so much so that she created a childcare cheat sheet that could help a hermit crab do the job. She provided an airtight schedule with playdates and sports games, feeding times and preferred-blanket descriptions.


When our plane finally took off, I understood that adult vacationing had been forever altered. No matter how I looked forward to being with my wife and hanging out with my dad and step-mom in the City That Never Sleeps, I wondered, "Is all of this really more fun without the kids?"


The trip was spectacular, but as I reflect on it, I'm judging each activity on whether it was better without the kids or would have been better with them.



  • Travel - Checking in one bag for each of us and bringing one carry-on to the plane was like lifting a 10-pound weight after hoisting a 400-pound barbell. During the flight, as other parents attended to wailing children, I partook of magazines and movies. On the ground, walking and riding in taxis were easy minus strollers and carseats. Without the kids was better.
      

  • Bedtime - After the first two nights, during which we weathered a dawn wake-up because the alarm clock went off and a 3 a.m. fire alarm that emptied the entire hotel, we basked in the magic of uninterrupted sleep. We read books in the morning without kids asking for breakfast and enjoyed "Mommy-Daddy" time without having to lock the door and later explain what we were doing without the TV on. Except for missing the morning cuddle, chalk this one up for the without team.
      

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