Everyday Etiquette: Holiday Q & A

By Diane Gottsman

With the holidays just around the corner, the same old questions always seem to pop up just before a big family gathering. It is always better to tackle them before the gathering takes place, rather than after the mishap or unintentional faux pas occurs. Here are some of the most commonly asked holiday questions:

Should I force my children to hug adult relatives they don’t remember or have never met?

Expecting a child to hug someone who he considers a stranger is uncomfortable for both the adult and child. Greeting family members with respect is required and should be discussed in advance. Let your child know that although they do not have to hug, they are expected to say hello and shake hands.

What should I teach my child about introductions?

A young child should be encouraged to look the other person in the eyes, extend his or her hand for a handshake and say his or her name. This is a process that will develop as your child matures, so be grateful for baby steps and praise and encourage his or her efforts.
 
My son is slow to warm up to other kids. Do I force him to play with his cousins or allow him to sit next to me and the other adults during the first few hours?

Ahead of time, talk about who will be at the holiday gathering. If you have pictures, spend some time looking at them together and talk about some funny or poignant stories from the past that he can visualize. This will help him feel a little more familiar with his extended family.

I have a finicky child who will only eat noodles and hamburger meat. Is it rude to request the host of the meal to plan a meat and noodle dish into the holiday menu? (P.S. She doesn’t like butter on her noodles.)

Yes, it would be rude to ask the host to plan a dish specifically for your child. That said, if the host is your mother or a close family member and you feel comfortable enough to share your concern, mention it and at the same time offer to bring the noodle dish yourself. Make sure and bring enough for the entire family.

My children usually get hungry long before the holiday meal is served. Would it be appropriate to request a tray of kid-friendly appetizers to stave off their appetite? Incidentally, I have a good relationship with my sister-in-law and don’t feel it would be a problem.

If you can talk candidly to your sister-in-law, you can certainly mention it. But instead of asking her for a tray of kid-friendly appetizers, offer to bring the tray yourself.