Cutting: The Frightening Disorder of High-Achieving Teens

By Monika Downey

Brandon (not his real name) walked into his first day of junior high with the same array of feelings felt by many 12-year-olds: excitement, anticipation and even a normal dose of fear. Readily accepted into a Bay Area college preparatory school, Brandon had always been a well-adjusted child who enjoyed school and excelled. He is a typical Bay Area student – one that would never be labeled as “troubled” or “difficult.” He always got along well with others and was considered a good influence on his friends. Nobody could have predicted the downward spiral he was about to take in his new academic environment.

The pressure of transitioning to a new school, the intense academic demands, and adjusting to the tumultuous years of adolescence began to strain. Brandon became overwhelmed in school and his grades began to slip. He was physically exhausted from soccer practice, dropping into bed after hours of homework. His grades slipped even further and he was unable to catch up. His parents and teachers assumed that he just wasn’t putting forth enough effort and came down harder and harder on him, adding to the rocketing stress.

"I was really trying to do my best. I really was,” says Brandon. “I got so mad at myself for not doing well enough in school. No matter what I did, I kept messing it up.” Although this took place more than two years ago, the pain left by his failures still flashes in Brandon’s eyes as he talks. “I let my parents and my teachers down. After awhile, I just hated myself for not doing as good in school as everybody wanted me to.”

Brandon was angry for disappointing those he cared so much about. Crushed with feelings of failure for forgetting another homework assignment, Brandon sat in class one day, unsure of how to handle the overwhelming emotions. He took a sharp pin and scratched a thin line in his arm. Feelings of anger, frustration and hatred for himself churned as he used the pin to scratch another line, a way of punishing himself. As a slight streak of red blood gradually appeared, Brandon felt calmer, more relaxed. The anger and disappointment toward himself subsided. He continued this practice until his parents found the thin gashes, external manifestations of the Brandon’s internal pain.