Books to Help Ease the Transition into Motherhood

“I hate this kid!”

This was me, after too many sleepless nights, cradling my endlessly shrieking newborn. Needless to say, I actually loved him more than life itself.

What I wish I’d been told is this: “That’s so normal. Everyone feels that way fleetingly, though few admit it. Life will look cheerier after a good night’s sleep or two.” No one in my vicinity knew or shared that information, however, so guilt was added to my first-time-mom blues.

It’s impossible to foresee how your life is going to change after your first child is born. Good friends may tell you that nothing will ever be the same, though a few might swear they were so clever at making child-care arrangements and getting their husband’s cooperation that their lives barely changed at all. Somewhere between those two extremes lies the truth—YOUR unique motherhood story.

If you’re new to this mom business, a good book can help ease the way. In such a book, practicalities take precedence over philosophy, and we learn that we’re not the first ones to feel these strong emotions toward a helpless infant or, perhaps, a helpless spouse.

Contradictory cultural demands make a mom’s life harder, says Susan Maushart, author of The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Our Lives and Why We Never Talk About It (Penguin, 2000, $12.95). Society glorifies motherhood, while downplaying the immense work involved and ignoring the feelings entirely.

When Maushart spoke to a group of women about the difference between parents and non-parents, those without kids said, “Having a child doesn’t change who you are as a person,” whereas the parents loudly disagreed.

Maushart quotes a study indicating that half of mothers with kids under age 5 experience symptoms of intense emotional distress on a regular or continual basis, and that women are five times more likely to be diagnosed as mentally ill in the year after their first child’s birth than at any other time in their lives.

“It’s really like living in a different world,” said one woman.

What can you expect in those early days after giving birth? Physical isolation, for one thing. A friend of mine confessed to being “bored” with her much anticipated baby. No matter how many walks she took with her baby, she had a lot less social interaction than she was used to. Soon she began taking her baby everywhere and felt fine again.