Beyond Sibling Rivalry

Kramer says parents often don't feel competent.

"It's very hard for families to try to find ways to handle the issues," she says. "I think we need to provide them with more support."

Kramer is also investigating the kinds of social skills that children can use to set up a more positive relationship with their siblings early on. She runs a program called Fun with Sisters and Brothers that teaches young children how to initiate play, how to accept an invitation to play and how to decline an invitation appropriately. She has found that young children who have a best friend during the time when a new sibling is born do well with the sibling. Children who are able to have elaborate play episodes, engage in fantasy play and manage conflicts develop the most positive sibling relationships. A best friend, Kramer says, offers opportunities to learn how to deal with conflict and frustration and also can serve as an ally to help the child feel good about himself or herself.

Rewarding Good Behavior

Kramer also suggests verbally rewarding good behavior among siblings with comments such as, "It makes me feel good to see you helping each other" or "I really like the way you two played that game together."

The rewards of having a good sibling relationship can be limitless. "My girls would say that it's worth it," says Brink, whose grown daughters still compete for her attention at times." They really care about each other, they confide in each other. I know they talk about really intimate things that they don't talk to me about. And I think they're both really interested in their own personal history at this point, how they grew up and what it meant to them, and they like each other's interpretation. The isolated household that is your world for so many years - very few people know about that, but my daughters know theirs, and they're the only ones."