Renowned pediatrician and learning expert Mel Levine is “stunned by the plight of young adults – far too many – who seem unprepared for the crossover from education to work.” In his new book, Ready or Not, Here Life Comes, Levine describes what he calls “an epidemic of third-decade unreadiness.”
While other experts disagree with Levine, all agree that, as parents, we can do more while our children are young to prepare them for emerging adulthood. James Côté, a professor of sociology at the University of Western Ontario and author of Arrested Development, highlights four key things to focus on:
1. Be an authoritative parent. That means having clear rules and guidelines, but allowing psychological freedom.
2. Share your values with your children. Make sure they are clear on what you believe and what your guiding principles are.
3. Stress the importance of education. About 40 percent of U.S. parents don’t monitor the educational progress of their children, a key indicator of future success, Côté notes.
4. Help your children engage in the world. Support their interests in sports,
academics, theater – wherever their interests lie. Don’t leave them to a passive experience of life.
Beginning in elementary school, parents can help kids think about their grown-up years by providing examples and prodding them to consider their own talents and interests, Levine says. “Our children should be studying us. We should talk to them about our experiences and those of other adults. We should also be very alert to their interests and talents and highlight them.”
Our tendency as parents, Levine observes, “is to focus on the negative and try to patch things up. Instead,” he says, “we should focus on what’s working. By making a deliberate attempt to recognize our children’s strengths, we can help them discover what they do well.”
Parenting Emerging Adults
While we can always do a better job helping our children to prepare for adulthood, Arnett cautions baby boomers against viewing their emerging adult children’s lives through an outdated lens. Times have changed, and young people have changed with the times, he says.
Parenting emerging adults means moving into uncharted territory and many parents are unsure what they should do. Some withdraw emotional or practical support, thinking it best for a son or daughter to solve his or her own problems – even to suffer alone the consequences of mistakes.
That’s a mistake, concludes renowned social psychologist Teri Apter in her 2002 book The Myth of Maturity. During what Apter calls “the threshold years,” young adults still need a parent’s guidance and support, as well as increased independence and respect for their hopes and dreams.
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