8 Weapons in the War on Anger

Parents need to accept the fact that they will get angry with their children, that they are entitled to feel angry without guilt or shame, and that they are allowed to express their feelings. - Haim Ginott, Ed.D. (Renowned child-development expert)


By Nancy Samalin, M.S.



  1. Exit or wait. When we are so incensed that we are about to lose control, exiting or calling an adult time-out gives us a breather.
     

  2. Use "I," not "You." When a child does something to make us angry, our response may be to shout an accusation. Instead, say "I'm mad!" Not "You're bad."
     

  3. Stay in the present. Don't use the incident as a springboard for gloomy forecasts or as an opportunity to dredge up ancient history.
     

  4. Avoid physical force and threats. When you've won by asserting physical power as a big person over a small person, you have won nothing.
     

  5. Keep it short and to the point. Be specific. It's pointless to tell a 5-year-old why she should clean her room. Preaching only makes kids parent-deaf.
     

  6. Put it in writing. A written message can be an effective and calming way to express your feelings in a manner others can understand without getting defensive.
     

  7. Focus on the essential. Parents have to decide what is really important and let go of the small stuff.
     

  8. Restore good feelings. After you've gotten over your anger, let your kids know your loving feelings are back.


Read Main Article => Parental Anger: How to Develop Coping Strategies

Reprinted with permission from Nancy Samalin's book Love and Anger: The Parental Dilemma, Penguin.


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