If you want to stay sane, don’t be afraid to ask for help and then prepare to let go as they figure things out on their own. “Give him specific tasks to do, but it’s up to him as to how he executes them,” O’Neill says. “Stand back and let him be the dad he wants to be.” Then you can have the marriage you want as well.

Resources

• Babyproofing Your Marriage: How to Laugh More, Argue Less, and Communicate Better as Your Family Grows, by Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O’Neill & Julia Stone, William Morrow, 2007. The authors use humor, their own experiences, as well as interviews with hundreds of couples to offer advice for safeguarding your marriage during the transition to parenthood.

• Your Marriage Can Survive a Newborn, by Glenn and Natalie Williams, B&H Publishing Group, 2005. The husband and wife authors open up about their own relationship to encourage readers to care for both their marriages and new babies.

• The New Father: A Dad’s Guide to the First Year, by Armin Brott, Abbeville Press, 2004. This book is written exclusively from a dad’s point-of-view and provides month-to-month information on all aspects of fatherhood including how a new baby can affect relationships.

Antoinette Donovan Hemphill is a freelance writer in West Roxbury, Massachusetts.