5 New Parent Arguments and How to Avoid Them

And Baby Makes … A Fight?

By Antoinette Donovan Hemphill

Most pregnant women spend countless hours daydreaming about the first months of their new baby’s life, envisioning late-night cuddles, gummy smiles and being serenaded by precious coos. It’s easy to focus more on this new relationship than the old one – your marriage.

But new research suggests it’s important to nurture both. The University of Denver recently reported that for 90 percent of the couples who participated in an eight-year study, marital satisfaction sharply decreased within a year after the birth of their first child. Not surprising when you consider the significant changes and inevitable conflicts that come with such a monumental responsibility. Being prepared for these conflicts, however, and realizing they’re a common part of the parenthood journey can make them less stressful.

Here are five disputes that couples often face with the addition of a new baby – and expert advice on how to avoid them:

1 The “It’s Your Turn” Middle-of-the-Night Fight

Research shows that sleep deprivation impairs your ability to think, handle stress and control your emotions. Translation for new moms? Those first weeks can be torturous, no matter how much you love your new baby. And if you start to feel like you’re constantly in the trenches alone, a late-night fight becomes inevitable.

The best way to avoid those “get your butt out of bed” brawls is to not wait until the middle of the night to address the problem.
Glenn Williams, co-author of Your Marriage Can Survive a Newborn, recommends scheduling a time (preferably on a weekend or whenever you’re least likely to be exhausted) to clarify and refine expectations when it comes to night feedings.

Williams says to use this time to talk about what you can do and how your spouse can realistically help. For example, maybe you can struggle through the week on your own, but only if you know you’re going to be getting some relief on the weekend. Put a plan in place so that you know when your spouse or partner will be on call and to prevent disagreements from happening at 3 a.m.