When their twins were born, Pat and Peter Matheson of Denver told their families Christmas Day was off limits. They spend the day alone, then host a post-holiday pizza party for everyone the next day. "At first, people were offended but that’s always going to happen with family," says Pat. "Now they respect our decision and look forward to hanging out the next day. It was important for us to establish our own tradition right away."

4 Family code of ethics: How will we handle behavior issues?

"Anytime we are discussing codes of ethics and disciplinary styles we’re ultimately talking about values," says Susan Weinstein, MA, MSW, LCSW, The Denver Parenting Coach. Weinstein says couples should ask themselves the following questions:

Did I like how my parents disciplined me?

Will I want to discipline my children differently? If so, why, why not and how?

What kind of parent do I want to be?

What do I need to learn that might help me?

What do I know about child development? And what more do I need to learn?

The answers to these questions help parents build a foundation and action plan to work from and they are invaluable in the heat of the moment. As your children mature they will present new and different challenges at every stage. Just keep in mind that you may need to adjust the code through the years.

5 Religion: What do we believe and how will we celebrate it?

What may have already been a tricky topic before you got married becomes more complicated when children are born. Weinstein encourages couples to ask:

What does faith and/or religion mean to us, individually and as a couple?

What do we want our child to gain from our religion(s)?

How important is it that our family follows one religion? Why?

What kind of religious education, practices, and traditions matter most to our family?

How would I feel if my child was raised outside my own religion? Realistically, there’s never an ideal time to have a child. Kids will present variables their whole lives that cannot be planned for completely. The best parents can do is have basic concepts in place, created through open communication, all bundled up with love.

First published in Colorado Expecting, Fall 2009, a publication of Colorado Parent