10 Talents of Parenting: Self-Acceptance

How to End the Blame Game

This is the seventh article in our series on nurturing the 10 Talents of Parenting.

By Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D.

A few years back, my friend Helen asked me if I would teach a class for parents who are always blowing up at their kids. I suggested she call around to her friends and acquaintances to see if she could drum up enough interest for a class.

She was horrified. “Oh no,” she said. “You don’t understand, none of my friends do this, only me.”

I suggested that she ask them anyway. A few days later she called me back: “I have a group all ready to meet. Everyone I asked about it laughed and said they thought they were the only ones who felt this way, and they couldn’t believe that I did!”

I often think about Helen and her friends when I hear good, committed parents tell me how terrible they are. So I started collecting parents’ self-criticisms. We parents have a lot of them! Sometimes at lectures I will read this list out loud, asking people to raise their hand for each one that applies to them. I frequently have to raise my own hand – and not just to make people feel better.